As my sabbatical begins in less than a month, I am feeling more than a wee bit of pressure to get things wrapped up before I leave work. Needling details keep cropping up. Just a few seconds of your time requests abound. I even fielded a brazen suggestion that I squeeze a whole new area into my tight implementation schedule which concludes at the end of July. While I am the master of accomplishing down to the wire monster to do lists, I am stressed – more so than usual.
As I walk with the dogs, my sacrosanct morning thinks are being invaded by thoughts of project plan tasks and worries over how my little area of responsibility will be managed while I am gone. I much prefer enjoying the sunshine. I would rather be taking in the dewy smell of clover coming off Murphy after a roll in the grass. Instead it is like I am sitting at a restaurant with a long lost friend; eager to hear their tales of adventure but distracted by the ruckus of a crying child at the next table.
I know I will get all my work done. I always do. I have my lists. They are categorized quite efficiently into:
the not on your life requests,
the nice if I can manage it tasks and,
the absofuckinglutely must dos.
The needful is what I am focusing on right now. I am doing the needful. And if I have a spare second, I will look at the rest. So it is not about whether or not I’ll get it done, it is more that all this focus on my work life is sort of bringing me down. I like my job most days. I really do. I just like my life better. The real life. The one I live away from the office. The one where I am not all task driven and listy, but creative and relaxed. The one where I don’t stress about blurting out a well placed fuck. Ok. Scratch that. I say fuck at work. And will likely do so more this coming month than usual. But you get my point. There is a work face we all put on each day. I like the my real face of MB better. Hers is an enthusiastic and uncensored and more fearless face. She is nourished by the day to day experiences in her life and wants to share them with those she loves.
Taking a few months off to finish my book, to read and to spend quality time with my hammock and my dogs is an exciting adventure. I am lucky to be able to have this time. It almost makes this work stress worth it. Trying to readjust my headspace this morning I thought of taking a page out the story of my character Lillian Munsch who faced with her own death tries to figure out how to live. I wondered what is my real list of needful things? Do I have a bucket list? What should be getting my attention?
To be honest the first thing that popped into my head was “Get your arse to the office MB and get on with it!”
I started off thinking that I needed an attitude adjustment; that I am placing all my emphasis on the wrong things. But the truth is that if the needful this month is a shitload of work and the inherent stress that comes with it, I’ll take it because soon enough, the only task on my to do list will be making a cup of tea or maybe deciding on what book to read next.
- If who we are is what we do, then like most people, I am a mixed bag of personas. Writer, bookworm, friend, are what first come to mind. Equally apt would be potty mouth, dog walker, Guinness drinker, swimmer, storyteller, political animal, baker and proud Canadian. Mostly though, I consider myself simply insanely lucky to have a small posse of near and dear ones who put up with me and my curvy, creative, curly haired, opinionated self. I started this blog several years ago with the idea to challenge myself in a myriad of ways. Years in, despite the sporadic entries, I still like to muse about the absurdity of life, what inspires surprises and angers me, books and other entertainments, my menagerie, my travels and any other notion buzzing round in my head.