The Beauty Myth

I am nothing if not resilient. It’s actually, I think, one of my best qualities. That is not to say that I don’t also have many annoying and quirky things about my personality too. But, the ability to bounce back, to keep on going is most certainly a shining star in the constellation of my characteristics. Wallowing, getting mired down in a rut doesn’t suit me. Perhaps it’s the short attention span, who knows. As I strive to lose weight this is an advantage. No matter how far back I fall, I refuse to accept that I cannot drop these pounds. My last lapse pissed me off royally. I worked hard for those 6 lbs. To undo that effort in a week of socializing was more than irritating. Back on track and eerily exactly on schedule for my one pound per week goal, I have again arrived at the 6lbs I achieved a few weeks ago. I know this process will have its ups and downs. I am trying here to affect some lasting change, not just drop some weight to fit into a dress or bathing suit.

I’ve been talking with many people these past weeks about weight and body image. Motivation to lose weight is a personal thing. For me, this has nothing at all to do with how I look to myself or others, but more about how I feel about me.

Beauty, as a measure of one’s worth is an interesting concept. It is natural, I think, to be drawn to beautiful people and things. Vibrantly coloured paintings, puppies, sunsets, water lilies are all very attractive. Yet, notions of the physical beauty of people confound me. I get that some of this is carnal. I am not immune to ripped abs, a killer smile or nice round butt. But, the idea that one form of beauty is superior to another is surely flawed. Further, that one person can be considered beautiful merely by the way they look seems ridiculous.

I long ago made peace with my body in terms of what it will and won’t look like. My curly hair will always be a bit wild. My skin will never be golden or tanned, rather pale. My hips will always be curvy. I will never be tall and I will always have short fingers. Nonetheless, from my point of view, I think I am attractive and cannot imagine that image of myself changing.

Too much attention is paid I believe to the outer image of a person, missing entirely the importance of things like character, intelligence and heart. What lies within us, as Emerson said, is the stuff that matters. And in contemplating that, I come to the real motivator for my losing weight. I must do this simply because I promised myself I would. Because pushing myself to achieve something that is difficult is important for me as a person. My rubenesque body will not be whittled down into a skinny shadow of itself. (God forbid I would lose my rack!) Rather, I hope it to be trimmed slightly to a healthier version of the same old me. Still curvy, still short and still beautiful.