Zombies, Gargoyles and Certain Girls

Nineteen weeks into my year I’m finding that the lofty goals I set for myself in January have shifted somewhat. To anyone who knows me well, this is no surprise. Without question, I am still committed to losing weight and at present am holding fast at 12 lbs. Not quite where I want to be, but I am nonetheless pleased by that. I know it is not the ideal way to go, but with four weeks today until I leave for Spain, I’ve put myself on a relatively strict regimen to see if I can’t nudge that number up a bit more before I depart. I need very much to live my life fully and while good health is important to me, I don’t ever do well with a lot of restrictions and rules. I’m back to the basics which have always worked well in moderation. Fruit veggies water and walking increased, booze chocolate and bread decreased. God it sounds horrid even as I write it here. Sigh. Well we’ll give it a go. Four weeks will go by in a heartbeat.

What continues to frustrate me is the lack of time I carve out to read as much as I want to. Writing and reading seem to go hand in hand for me. So when I am reading a lot, I tend to be prolific creatively too. Until very recently, I was dragging myself to the laptop struggling through a dry spell in my writing. My trip up north to the cabin last week knocked something loose and I’m back in the groove, images and words pouring out of me. My projects are taking shape nicely and I’m writing up a storm. In sync, I’ve polished off two books this week, after having stretched my reading of Pride & Prejudice and Zombies out for two weeks (which is a ridiculous thing considering how light it is), I’ve also reread Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson and Certain Girls by Jennifer Weiner.

Briefly, I found the zombie take on P&P a bit dull at times. Without question it is a great idea for a book. Elizabeth Bennett as a Buffy the Vampire Slayeresque killer of zombies overtaking the countryside got boring fairly fast as the book wore on. True to the plot of Pride & Prejudice, Bingley, Wickham Darcy and the Bennetts all maneuver their lives and loves amidst a scourge of “unmentionables” that must be put down for the safety of all. I suspect I would have liked the story more if there was more blatant blood, guts and drama, but the attempt to remain consistent with a Victorian style of writing while describing zombie mayhem fell flat for me. This book is getting good reviews. I suspect that mine are not the norm when it comes to impressions of this book. I may take a stab at it (har har har) at a later date, but for now, I am happy to see it finished.

Gargoyle is a captivating novel by first time Canadian author, Andrew Davidson. Basically this is a love story. Lying in a burn ward after having driven his car off a cliff, while coked up and drunk, a now hideously scarred and suicidal pornographer is visited by a schizophrenic sculptor who claims to have been his lover in a former life dating back to medieval Germany. Skeptical at first, he slowly becomes involved with this woman and agrees to let her take care of him as he recovers. Intoxicating and addictive is my best description for this book. I loved it from the first very powerful scene of the car crash, all the way to the end.



I just finished happily gobbling up Jennifer Weiner’s latest book, Certain Girls. I like this author. I feel I can relate to her. I’ve read a few of her other books, the first one being Good in Bed. Her latest book picks up the same characters and story from where Good in Bed left off. Good in Bed is the story of a plump gal named Cannie Shapiro, who is mortified when her ex boyfriend, a freelance writer, pens a story in a major magazine about how fat girls are good in bed, using their relationship as the basis for the story. Embarrassed and still not quite over him, with the stress of a dysfunctional family of her own to contend with, Cannie blunders into a regrettable last fling with her ex which results in an unplanned pregnancy. Overwhelmed, hurt and at the end of her rope, Cannie quits her job and focuses on herself, her blossoming weight and baby to be. Written with warmth and humour, Jennifer Weiner created a character flawed and human and incredibly relatable. Her first book ends with the birth of her daughter. Certain Girls picks up Cannie and her daughter Joy, 13 years later, as Joy finds out about her father and the circumstances of her birth. It’s a mother and daughter story. I have been known to be a book snob from time to time. I read widely and cut a good wide swath through various genres. Chick lit, has been something I have read from time to time when I want something light. What I like about these stories from Weiner is that her characters aren’t perfect and don’t in any way figure everything out by the end of the book. She rings true and, for me, that is when reading is most enjoyable.

Attack of the Killer Shoulds

There are few words in the English language I dislike more than the word should. Should is a get you in trouble kind of word. Should is loaded. It has expectation, judgment, opinion. I bristle at the idea of being told what to do. I like to live my life on my own terms. I fully expect to enjoy the bounty of my good decisions and know I own the consequences of the bad ones. I believe in karma, good and bad. I didn’t always feel this way. Yesterday was a reminder to me of how far I have yet to go. For despite what I just said, knowing all that I do, from time to time I get a case of the shoulds. I climb on my high horse and venture off into the righteous land of should. And to be frank, this is a fairytale that never ends well.

I have always been a person of strong opinions. I’m not shy and freely express myself, my feelings about things that come to pass, things that irritate me and inspire me, social and political comments. All good, I think. Its part of why I started blogging. My opinions about things I see, books I’ve read, and my own life at times quirky and other times mundane are all the subject of commentary with friends and family and frequently fodder here in blogdom. The thing is, feeling things strongly and communicating openly is one thing, not knowing when to shut up is quite another. Such can sometimes be the case with me, when I get a bee under my bonnet. I don’t like these types of clichéd expressions normally. But, in this instance, it seems so appropriate. For while I cannot recall ever wearing a bonnet, were I to do so, my latest case of shoulds felt quite like having something irritating and troublesome buzzing in and around my head. Unable to free myself of this irksome issue, I kept batting at it madly with phrases like should just grow up, should do this, should get real, should quit it, should give their head a shake… should should should. Swatting away verbally with no resolution, it never occurred to me until much later, that rather than fussing as I did, had I just quieted down and relaxed, I might have found a better solution or perhaps even come to a peaceful compromise.

The thing about shoulds is that they are so one sided. One can never really understand how another person feels and what motivates their actions. Irritated and feeling self righteous last night I came home in quite a funk. Walking Murphy in the snow (yes… its back for a last gasp), I tried to calm myself. I felt bad about some of the things I had said and tried to figure myself out. I remembered a book someone gave me and sought it out when I returned home. I’ve given this book as a gift to a number of people over the years. Tucked into the pages of Ruiz’ The Four Agreements, are four simple ideas that would have saved me from myself earlier in the day. Four basic agreements to make with oneself. In a single conversation I blasted past all four of them, but nonetheless I’m glad to be reminded of them again. Here they are:
No. 1 – Be Impeccable With Your Word – In other words, don’t gossip or spread poison with what you say. Words have power. And with apologies for the Star Wars analogy, use your power for good.
No. 2 – Never Make Assumptions – The thing is you never really know what the other person is thinking. To assume you do is arrogant and most of the time, we get it wrong anyway.
No. 3 – Don’t Take Things Personally – Again it is arrogant to think that everything is about you. More importantly, when people do or say things hurtful to you, it is really more about them than you. Realize this and stop trying to control the outcome.
No. 4 – Always Do Your Best – Even when your best is not very good at present, try. Don’t give up. Make an effort. Show up and contribute.

I think I’ve overcome my case of the shoulds for the present. I realize now that the only shoulds that would have made any sense at all is to realize early on that I should just butt out. I should know by now that each of us has our own way and finds it in our own time. And that is perfectly OK.

One more wholly unrelated point - I finished Flann O'Brien's At Swim-Two-Birds and remain unconvinced that it is anything more than a dated, dry, mildly amusing take on a young man with a vivid imagination. I didn't like it. Have moved on to lighter fare. I picked up Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. (Think Elizabeth Bennett as a Buffy the Vampire Slayerish, sword weilding zombie killer, distracted by expectations to marry well while trying to figure out the brooding and haughty Darcy - utterly hilarious and best of all, comes complete with illustrations!!!) More on this later.